More Movie Reviews From The Cobwebs Of My Myspace Blog!

March 23,2008 Highly Recommended Films: LAWN DOGS Sam Rockwell is a god! And a very young Mischa Barton gives a great little performance as well. CORNDOG MAN A dark-humored, bad karma, mind fuck, perfect for any drunken movie night! You'll like dem blue britches too! BLOW Everyone's seen it! You should see it again! The return of Pee Wee Herman! It's as cool as coke. OUTSIDE PROVIDENCE The lesser known Farrelly Brothers joint. Alec Baldwin gives one of his best performances ever! A funny, pot smoke-filled, classic! BEAUTIFUL GIRLS One of the late director Ted Demme's best films! A very young Natalie Portman is a scene stealer in this thoughtful dramedy! Lots of laughs and great music fill every frame with happy goo! ENJOY!!!!! April 8, 2008 More Brilliant Movie Recommendations: OFFICE SPACE - DUH! One of the all time funniest movies from that Beavis and Butthead/King of the Hill guy! Who knew? HEAVENLY CREATURES - Before there was Bored Of The Rings, there was this superior gem from Director Peter Jackson. In her first feature film Kate Winslet gives a super cool performance as a hyperactive lesbian! Based on a true story complete with lesbians, dancing knights, and murder! JOE THE KING - One of Val Kilmer’s best performances (before he was fat) and directed by Frank Whaley from Career Opportunities and Vacancy (movies only a mad mongoose could love) I’m proud of Frank’s little drama! CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL - Before she was Spider Man’s girlfriend and after her blood-sucking oscar nominated performance in Interview With A Vampire, Kirsten Dunst gave another powerhouse performance in this troubled girl’s love story. You’ll fall in love too! :) ED GEIN - The only real true story of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which claimed it was based on a true story but actually took place in Wisconsin with absolutely no chainsaw to be found) Psycho was also based on this creepy tale of a crazy dude who shot a couple of women, dug up corpses, made soup bowls from skulls and furniture out of bones. In his defense Wisconsin is pretty boring. April 13,2008 It's just my opinion. Don't get your panties in a bundle. Here's some oldies but goodies. I'm slowly working up to newer films. I don't expect anyone really gives a shit, but I'm enjoying this, so keep renting crap. What do I care? ELECTION - Reese Witherspoon is pitch perfect as the prim and proper student running for class president. Matthew Broderick (Ferris Bueller's all growns up) is the teacher slowly deteriorating into madness. Good fun! YOU CAN COUNT ON ME - Laura Linney rocks my world! And Mark Ruffalo is super cool! Good performances in this authentic drama. THE OTHERS - Nicole Kidman is mesmerizing in this thriller where she raises 2 children who stay inside a lot due to their skin being sensitive to the sun. They live in a creepy house with creepy servants. It's PG 13 but you'll jump out of your seat a few times. Creepy! RETURN TO ME - One of the best love stories I have ever seen starring Minnie Driver and David Duchovny. Written by and co-starring Bonnie Hunt, a Chicago veteran, this romantic comedy was filmed in Chicago. It's great to see one of Archie Bunker's last performances as well. Hilarious stuff! THE GIFT - Sam Raimi (Evil Dead & Spider-Man Flicks) also directs this riveting mystery thriller, with a shitload of stars like geniuses Cate Blanchett and Hilary Swank. It's dark, scary fun. Keep the lights on! Muhahahahahahahahaha!!!!! April 27,2008 I was told by his brother this week NOT to be a movie critic! Because I didn't like THE MIST or BORED OF THE RINGS, and I did like BLAIR WITCH 2. Oh well, to each his own. I see everything regardless of what the critics say and you should do the same! And why not start with..... MY BODYGUARD - No, not the dreadful Whitney Houston vehicle! But the classic 1980 teen flick with Christopher Makepeace. (Whatever happened to that dude?) Also starring youngsters Adam Baldwin, Matt Dillon, and Joan Cusack, this thoughtful script really packs a punch! The message here is "don't fight your own battles - hire someone else to punch the jerks in your life in the face!" Sweet! If only I had had a bodyguard in high school, I would have watched them for countless hours kick some major bully ass! :) Peace is over-rated! ORDINARY PEOPLE - Not for the faint of heart, this drama will test your abilities to tolerate living with real-life people who look just like you, who live with you, but that are crazy as all get out! This is your family!!! The horror!!! One of my top ten favorite flicks of all time! Mary Tyler Moore is a total bitch! And deep down inside we always knew it! SWINGERS - Tied with first place (with The Breakfast Club) this is also my favorite movie of all time! (I can have two!!!!!) Jon favreau and Vince Vaughn together again! Not since "Rudy" have we seen them both in their masterful chemistry! A truly magnificent cinematic experience! THE REF - The greatest Christmas movie ever! The promising, late Director Ted Demme delivers his first classic starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis, and Kevin Spacey. Guaranteed to brighten up any positively suicidal holiday season! MADE - Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn strike again, and with Columbo this time! Swingers was written by Favreau, but this time Favreau writes AND directs a very funny film with a killer soundtrack! Rock on boys! RECENT MOVIE EXPERIENCES: The original Stepford Wives (1975) was a lot better than I thought it might be, and The Mist blew chunks. Make It A Bob-Buster Night! May 15, 2008 Alright, here we go! More movie reviews from the guy who shouldn't be reviewing movies! PETER'S FRIENDS - This gem is directed by Kenneth Branagh and written by 80's comedian Rita Rudner about a hilarious reunion of friends gathering at an English manor after 10 years of being apart. Ofcourse there are secrets and lies that eventually surface, a good time for all! THE ANNIVERSARY PARTY - This party was written and directed by Jennifer Jason Leigh and Alan Cumming, and stars many of their real-life friends. An interesting mix of characters make this party an essential! Break out the ecstacy and enjoy! SEX, LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE - Before James Spader was a kick ass lawyer on Boston Legal and Peter Gallagher was the coolest dad alive on THE O.C. there was this Steven Soderbergh flick. For all you perves with twisted fetishes, this one's for you! L.A. STORY - Steve Martin's comic masterpiece makes fun of L.A. with one dead-on joke after another. Marilu Henner, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Steve Martin's ex Victoria Tennant are the funny lady dream team making this an instant classic. ME MYSELF AND IRENE - Jim Carrey, Renee Zellweger and The Farrelly Brothers. Need I say more? The flash shot of the kids growing up on the couch kills me everytime! May 21, 2008 You know what, I decided that I should be reviewing movies dammit! I've seen hundreds more movies than my brother has anyway! I'm more qualified! And it's OK to hate Bored of The Rings! I sat through all stupid 9 hours of that crap! That's dedication to the movie industry man!!!!! So there! CHUCK AND BUCK - Not for big homophobes who can't deal with the naughty stuff they did as children. Written by the insane Mike White (Writer of Nacho Libre and School of Rock - milder stories) this movie is both hilarious and disturbing! Check it out if your not too much of a fag! ORANGE COUNTY - Director Jake Kasdan is one to watch with Walk Hard now under his belt also. OC stars Colin Hanks (Tom's son) Jack Black (A GOD!) John Lithgow (Genius) and Kevin Kline, as well as a bunch of other great cameos. I enjoyed the film immensely about a dude who dreams of writing... And you will too! :) ABOUT LAST NIGHT - The classic 1986 comedy filmed in Chicago is extremely well written and funny and stars Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, James Bleushi, and Elizabeth Perkins. Check this shit out yo! CRIMES OF THE HEART - Based on the Beth Henley play, Henley also writes the screenplay here. And starring film godesses Diane Keaton, Jessica Lange, and Sissy Spacek...quirky fun! CARNIVAL OF SOULS - This 1962 creepfest is a real chiller thriller! Partially filmed at an old amusement park right on The Great Salt Lake, this film is off the charts creepy. This flick was inspired by the true eerieness of this amusement park location. Driving in my car in Utah I passed this place which still stands at the edge of the lake and there were spine chills fo sho yo! June 7, 2008 Welcome back suckers! HELL NIGHT - One of the great horror movies of the early 80's. Ahead of the pack and more realistic than most. Linda Blair leads the cast of talented young'ns. PUNCH DRUNK LOVE - A more serious side of the anger-prone Adam Sandler. Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia) delivers his shortest movie, and not the usual 3-hour epics he's known for. Thank God! BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE - Whether you like Michael Moore or not, his controversial and thought-provoking movies get us all riled up and talking! Deadly serious one minute and fall down funny the next.....Good stuff! SECRETARY - For perverts only! This insane, quirky piece of work stars masters of the acting craft James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. Sex and Bondage should be a part of every office environment! FEARLESS - Plane crash survival 101. Jeff Bridges and Rosie Perez are near perfect in this 1993 drama. Break out the tissues! RECENT MOVIE EXPERIENCES: INDIANA JONES - A bunch of old geisers got together and gave it their all!